Thread: If you think you got it bad.....

Tweet

This might be cruel, but if he doesn't get his head on straight he stands a good chance of not coming back. I'm sure others will agree.

Steve, anyone who has been through this sort of situation will tell you, he is not himself right now. People take it in different ways, some shut down, some get violent, etc. I got so crazy my whole life at that time revolved around what I was going to do to him, when in fact it was her that I should have been upset with. Sometimes people on the outside can see things we can't see because we are too close to the situation. My best friend Pete told me " if you even consider going back with her I am going to beat the h*** out of you." All our friends could see the situation for what it was, except for me.

It sounds like he is in a relationship with an unstable woman, and he is enabling this behavior. He has put up with several infedelities and taken her back. Either he is the eternal optimist or very blind. The sad part is, sometimes you can't save people from themselves, no matter how much we love them. He has to decided for himself that it is truly not a healthy relationship and terminate it himself, in his own mind. As logical as your talks are with him, he isn't ready to hear it.

I don't know what the answer is, maybe there is none. They may very well become one of the statistics of people whose lives go down the tubes through this rift in their relationship. All you can do is be there for him.

Don

Originally Posted by TyphoonZR

Haha, I love it Erik. Mutiple wives is the answer, no doubt. But in my god-forsaken land, we are not permitted to having more than one wife at a time, so I am reduced to having concubines/sweethearts on the side, if you will.

Does my first wife of 32 years like it, he!! no. It makes her jealous. But hey, I'll tell you one thing for sure, she is in the running. I mean at alll times. She makes sure she stays fit and trim and is willling to .... well you know, any time

Not only that,remember in our country we don't have a lot of spousal killings,but we have a lot of "hunting accidents"! On the main topic,his wife has a diagnosed "mental illness" if she's been prescribed antidepressants,this could be child endangerment if she's stopped taking them against Doctor's advice.He must think of the child 1rst and foremost!

I've done it 4 times, the last was a cheat. Getting rid of her was the best thing I've ever done. There is no such thing as a "good cheap lawyer". Tell your brother to put it in the hands of an aggressive shark. The more expensive lawyer will save him money in the long run. And by all means, do it before he leaves. Tell him thanks for all that he is doing over there, Al

Thanks for the venting and support. It's great to be here. I will continue to support him, like all of us do for our families and hope for the best.

I went through this very same horrible nightmare. Every time I thought it could not possibly get worse, it did. Even though counselors are required to maintain confidence, ours told me on the side that she was going to eventually give me AIDS. After the divorce, her drinking and going missing caused me to just drive over to the ex in-laws and bring my young daughter home. Thankfully my daughter told her she'd rather live with me and the ex gave in. One day, my ex put a gun to her head and ended her life.
One might think that would be cause for celebration, but no. I experienced pain and grief that I did not know existed. That is how love is. All you can do for your Brother is support him and listen. Only time heals.
I learned a few things from my experience, but it took years to sink in. You can never love another person into being what you wish they would be. Tigers never change their stripes. The only choice is to put up with a partner the way they are, or, if you can't, walk.
And finally I learned the hardest lesson - forgiveness. That may sound strange when another is so cruel. But for me it was the final solution to absolve myself of bitterness, pain and grief. And it took years.
I know that does not help your Brother right now. Forgiveness is a steep mountain, but on top, the view is great.

You are right about the forgiveness. I kid about my Ex, but the fact is, she was a terrific Mom and a good wife for most of our 28 years. She just thought there was a better life out there for her and she gave in to it.

She and I are now friends, mainly for the sake of our Sons, and while I feel sorry for where she is now in her life I have zero interest in any relationship with her beyond what it is.

I'm sorry to hear about the way your wife's life ended up. Sometimes we can't save people from themselves.

Don

Well I have been married 4 times . The 1st wife I was the bad one running around with girl-friends . My 2nd wife one of the girl friend died of Cancer . She was really a good woman . The 3rd one was the Bad one . She took my 1989 5.7 TPI Firebird and traded it for a Van . And she was real mean to my Daughter . That witch had to go ! Glad she had that van to move her stuff out . My 4th Wife is OK and I hope this is the last one. And my Daughter is also doing great . Tell your brother to get what is his and find another woman .

What stays the most above is getting a lawyer and freezing assets. I was married for 23 years. The last year she stared fooling around. I didn't find out until one of my daughters spilled the beans. We separated on my birthday and she took $22 large out of our joint savings into her own account to celebrate. She doinked more than one neighbor and wound up marrying my next door neighbor 6 weeks after our divorce was final and 2 weeks after his was. She also doinked a brother in law one drunken night. He's dead now; don't worry I didn't do it.

To think she was living next to the love of her life for several years!

IMO your brother's wife can never be trusted again. He really needs to take care of business ASAP to minimize damage and begin the healing process. Best wishes to you both.

Kitz

In case anyone out there has any suspicions that their mate might be running around, here are some telltale signs:

1) Starts going out with the girls or guys a lot more often. Comes home with booze on breath.

2) Can't take calls at work anymore because of "meetings."

3) Thinks it would be a good idea to have their own checking/savings account. It "makes them feel more secure."

4) New clothes and lingerie show up that you have never seen before. "Oh, I've had these old things for ever."

5) Spends hours talking secretly to "friends" on the phone.

6) Strange charges start showing up on your bank statements.

7) You start getting a lot of hangups on the phone with blocked numbers.

8) You find receipts in her/his car that are for items you never use.

9) Their best friend starts treating you differently.

10) Your supper starts tasting a lot like arsenic.


Don

Update on my brother.
This is a email from Iraq he sent yesterday. I have to say support your local troops!
"Steve
Thanks for writing and sending the care package. I heard from Mike about Uncle Norm, its very sad, but at some point we all die, cancer is just a horrible way to do it. Death is all around me here. We got mortared with 17 rounds about 3 days ago, and a father walked in holding his baby and his 7 year old daughter, both dead. We worked on a US Soldier who's HMMV hit and IED, he had just a small injury to his leg but was coding... we spent 2 hours coding him, he'd come back then fade away, we transfused a large amounts of blood, eventually we took him to the OR, but we lost him due to massive blood loss internally. The next day the health care providers here lined the path from our morg to the landing zone where the Blackhawk took him away to fly home on the angel flight its very sad, I kept thinking about his family and how sad they will be to here of his loss, especially if he had little kids. On the other hand we save numerous lives, we had a little 9 year old Iraqi girls burned over 35% of her body, treated poorly at a local Iraqi hospital for a week, she came to us almost dead covered in pseudomonas... we spent 2 weeks on her, she flew out to go to Boston to be treated in the Shriner's hospital all costs paid. Well I'm sorry I probably shouldn't have written all this, but that's how things are here, I'm very happy I'm here, because I'm making a difference, and that's what makes it all worth it. "

Your Brother is one of many Great men over there fighting for what is right . I have thought of him many times and will continue to do so even when he makes it back home . I give him my Thank's now and always Tango

First thing that pops up on my home page is headline "news", most of it this morning are about a bunch of self absorbed, so called celebrities, spoiled brats mostly who are fixated on what serves themselves best. And others around us admire this for some reason. They get awards for pretending to do something useful. Then, on little ol' CHR I get to read this latest from your brother, no headlines, no reporters, no swooning fans, no phonies. Seems backward somehow. I'm glad you put that up, thanks.

I read your Brother's story and for him to go on and do his job with such compassion for other people while having to deal with what his wife is putting him through, he is truly a great guy. I will keep him in my prayers as everyone else. My Niece was 19 when she was deployed to Iraq she drove an 18 wheel fuel tanker. I thank God she got home safe. With so many Soldiers fighting this war most of us have loved ones involved.

Good Luck to your Brother, and all who are doing what is asked of them over there.

p.s. almost 40 years same woman, I think she is a keeper.

Richard

Wow. That really brings home what these poor guys and gals are facing on an everyday basis. It has to effect them and change them forever.

You must be very proud of your Brother, Steve. He sounds like a great guy. Bob makes a very interesting point about our priorities relative to the people we celebrate. Every TV show is consumed with "Paris Hilton did this" or "Linday Lowhan is back in rehab", then a very small segment of the news says "Oh, and by the way, 200 people were killed by suicide bombers today, 20 of them US Soldiers."

Thank you for posting his communication here. Makes me sad, but proud and happy at the same time that there are people like him still in this world.

Don