Thread: It's my time to take care of dad

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Just wanted to see if any one is going thru this or has been thru it.
My dad is 89 lived in a senior housing apt by San Fransico for 25 years
I had to go and get him couldn't live alone any more even tho he thinks he can. I and my wife told him he was comming for a visit I didn't tell him it was for good just packed a bag and put him in truck took alot of talking to get him to come. Plan is have him on list for senior apt in my town which is only a 1 mile away from where I live. This is tough time for me and my wife as we did't raise any kids this is like having a 3 year old that's 89 years young.
Dad is a very coopertive person no big problem just quite a change in our lives as we are struggling to make ends meet but what do you do life comes at you fast. well just wanted to vent and see if any one as gone thrue this.
Have a great day mark.

Mark,

A lot of people have been through it, some with good results and others with bad. My wife and I wanted my mom who was 86 to move in with us, but we were 90 miles away from her and she wanted to stay close to where she had lived for 65 year and her few living friends. So we found her a very nice care facility where she had a certain level of independence but also a high level of care when needed. Although she made a good and wise decision, we were none to happy with it at first, but it was probably for the best. It would have been tough for us later to provide the necessary care since we both worked over an hour away from our home and we were raising our 6 year old daugthter. Plus to have had her with us and then to have had to move her later to a place providing a higher level of care, would have extremely difficult, for both us and her. She was physically and mentally well enought to make the initial decision and decided to honor her decision. Although I had some worries initially, it was a good decision, that provided her with a good quality of life in her final years. I don't think she ever regretted her decision, and in the long run it made our family stronger.

Good luck with yours, I hope that every thing goes as well for you.

And some wish they had the chance to take care of them.....

Hi Mark My whole family is going through a similar experience at this time. My father is 93 yrs old has lived by him selfe for 17 yrs he has had in the last two yrs several small cancers removed had a heart attack just before christmas .Finally had to give up and move in with my brother. He aint very happy. MY mother inlaw lives with us (for 8yrs) she had a stroke 2yrs ago wont eat loseing weight . Sometimes life is a bite in the ### Hang in there.....Francis

Atleast you care enough to make some sort of effort for the well being of your father. You are to be admired for your care and effort.

On a lighter note, you could always do this....LOL!

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,345713,00.html

Bob thank you I know I am not alone.

Big truck driver I think about that daily do enjoy him.

Francis true one thing after another just part of life.

Youther thank you had a good laugh you won't belive this I know some of the people staying at the senior housing apts they have offered to take dad to the bar they come down once a day and have a few just have to watch out they don't get into trouble.

Any way thanks guys will get my dad set up just a hard adjustment but making good progress

As someone who is now getting up in age, I can really appreciate what your Dad is feeling. It is tough to find you are on the downhill side of life, and all the things you once had are slipping away.

You have to understand that he was once the head of his household, and was the strength everyone else looked to. Now he is in the position of having to have others make decisions for him and do things for him that he once did. Simple things like getting in your car and going to the store are now taken away because someone, either the State or family, decides that you are no longer fit to operate a car. Health starts to fade, and every day becomes more and more of a challenge to get through without being ill or injuring yourself.

Just imagine if you were suddenly put into this position. I know it will be tough on you, and you are going to have to make changes in your life. One thing you may face is having to deal with a spouse who does not relish the idea, however, he is blood, and she is not. This is payback time for all the diapers he changed on you, all the school plays he attended, and all the lessons he took the time to teach you. I think it is very admirable that you are stepping up to the plate and doing the right thing.

There will be times when it is tough, older people start being difficult. Some of that comes from the internal anger they feel about simply getting older. But when the day comes when he is no longer here, you will have a clear conscience and won't ever have to feel guilty about "I should have done more."

My ex-Girlfriend was a perfect Daughter to her Mom, right up to the end. I watched how she looked after her Mom and made sure we would spend time with her and look after her needs. I learned a lot from the way she did that.

Good luck, and yes, it is ok to vent and have some of the feelings you are having.

Don

My Wife's Grandfather was 89-he was a Racing Horse Trainer/Owner by trade, and was getting on in Years (stubborn to boot)-he lived alone and her Father tried to get him to move closer to him (in Nebraska)-he would not do it, so, one Weekend we showed up at his place (In Idaho) and talked him into moving closer to us (he would NOT move in with us)-that was kind of good because he was a cantankerous old guy (if you've ever been around the Race Horse business they are some tough guys, and I learned some cuss words that I didn't know existed). He was a character, and gave my Boys "nicknames"-all in good fun, but I can't write them here or I would be banned.

Anyway, we found him a House about a mile from us and moved him in-we purchased a Wheelchair, and either my Wife or I(mostly my Wife) would take him for a "roll" every day around the neighborhood (we would be there multiple times every day)-they became a lot closer, but after a Year or two it was taking it's toll on us as we also had three Boys at Home at the time.

Anyway, he was beginning to have some real trouble taking care of himself (he also wanted to be alone), but we talked him into a Care Center-at first he said he didn't like it, but later on it appeared to me that he really felt at Home with people to talk to and interact with-

mark, I think you are doing the right thing!

I see that, fortunately, (or maybe unfortunately for some) a lot of us "baby boomers" are thankful to still have our parents, or at least one of them, still alive.

My 86 year old mother in law lives with us. My 89 year old mom lives with my brother and his wife. Both are great women, but unfortunately my MOL is a diabetic and in the middle stages of Alzheimers. We saved her foot from being amputated last year. I personally cleansed it everyday and changed the bandages. But it was a lot of work on our part since she didn't care either way.

I feel really bad for both her and especially my wife. Wife still works full time and then has to come home to a mess in the bathroom almost everyday. (Won't go into details)

MOL really can't do much. She sits in the front room and watches the cars go by day after day. Get's a little aggressive with my wife every now and then. Just the progression of the disease we were told. Most people lash out at their care givers.

It will be a matter of time before we have to consider other care options. But until then, we will both care for her as long as we can.

Pat

I hope this doesn't get anyone down but here's my stories...joe

I took care of my father-n-law for the last year of his life. He live a couple blocks away & didn't want to move. So I would show up everyday w/my son (5-6yrs old) to make breakfast for him & either the wife or I would go over & bring him supper. The last 3 weeks he was in a coma & myself or my friend KC would stay w/him & give him his meds & take care of him. On the last day at about 3am I gave him his meds & whispered into his ear, Dennis it's time to go, your wife & the twins are waiting for you. I'll take care of Denise & everything will be fine. I sat down in my chair holding his hand & fell asleep. At about 6:30 my son woke me up & said Dad I think Grandpa is gone. I stood there & cried for about 15mintues before I was able to call my wife & her sister. I loved that man like my own father.

I also took care of my best friend who was a brittle diabitic for the last 2 yrs of his life. He live across the street from us so it made it easier. I would make sure he would eat at least 2 meals & I gave him his shots & took him to the doctor & hospital when needed. Another friend moved in w/him so it took so of the strain off of us. One day I got a call from his room mate to come over because he found him on the floor & something was wrong w/him. Sadly he had a massive heart attack & past away. KC was like a brother to me & to this day it still hurts to think about it.

My pop was 91 when he passed away & for the last 6months or so I would help my mom out by picking him up & taking him everywhere I went just to get him out of the house. About 3weeks before he passed away my mom called & said she had to take him to the hospital because he could walk anymore. He was in & out of the hospital & a rehab center untill I told mom to bring him home w/Hospice because my dad beg me to not let him die there. I knew he knew time was running out. We got him home & he couldn't of been happier, the smile on his face lit the room up. W/in 2 days he went into a coma & the nite before he passed I had to do the deed I feared the most. I leaned over the bed & kissed him on his forehead & told him I loved him, I then whispered into his ear "Dad It's time to go", you have your mom, dad, brothers & sister are waiting for you on the other side. The next morning when I got up I told me mom I was going home to get cleaned up (mistake), when I got back mom asked me to check on dad. I went over to him & touched him & knew at that moment he had passed away.
But there is a funny part of this story. My dad always told us he wanted to leave this world feet first. So when the Funeral home showed up to get him(we knew them), we told them dads last wish. We moved the hospital bed around & they got him on the gerny & out the door dad went feet first. We all stood outside laughing about it but it was great to be able to grant that old man his last wish.

I'm sorry if I got so of you down w/these stories, BUT always remember to try to do your best to take care of the ones you love, because someday "you" might be the one being taken care of...joe

Dad, Dennis, KC, Love & miss you all....joe

[QUOTE= just wanted to vent and see if any one as gone thrue this.
Have a great day mark.[/QUOTE]

I've been there, too, and it ain't easy.

I wish you well,

Jim

Joe,

Your entry had me with tears in my eyes-you were/are a good Son-I can only hope mine are as good to me when it's time-

Pat-

It is a tough thing to watch, I completely undersatnd where you are, good luck-

Craig

Thank you to all that responded. They all meant alot the last ones got to me .
As I am no stranger to death I lost my mom and step dad 6 months apart
my step dad raised me. Now I have to do my best to take care of my real father. Didn't know if I should post or not but your responses have helped thank you mark

I wish I could have had more time with my Dad before he died.... He stayed in his own house and us kids and a few others took turns spending days with him.... He probably knew what we were doing, but never let on that he did.... I was recovering from some health issues myself at the time so I usually took 4 or 5 days in a row and just stayed with him. Had a blast!!! Those were absolutely the best days we had together......

What a close group of GOOD GUYS, best site on the net. These stories will make you stop to think what is important.

I saw a good friend; watch his Mother not recognize him when she was pretty much slipping into Alzheimer’s, one of the saddest things to see.


Richard