Thread: Out of one hell hole into another Iraq to Divorce

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I gotta vent, sorry for the hot rod diversion!
I've posted most of this stuff before:
Well my brother made it safely home from Iraq, to his gold digger wife and his wonderful daughter. Madison won't leave his side. And now we know why. After he left for Iraq, his sleaze of a spouse, dumped the 50 year old fitness trainer she was secretly having an affair with, and hooked up with a high roller buisness type she met with the girls in Vegas!
She had refused to stay at my brother's place while he was in Iraq, to take care of it, and save money on the rent of a second place she had recently moved to. But the weekend before he left, she came back from Vegas and said she had a change of heart and would do him this favor.
A bit of history to help clarify this..His house is a beautiful custom home they had bought together just less than a year ago, before all of this initialy blew up, to spend their future together in. Unfortunately, only a day after moving in ,she declared she wanted a divorce. No reason, just a divorce. A month later he finds out she's been having an affair with her Fitness trainer.

Flash foward to just before deployment to Iraq, where she has moved out to be with her fitness trainer. It turns out she met a high roller in Vegas, and wanted to impress him with her house! So now she's been jet setting first class for the last six months, staying in the nice place with high roller buisness dude, while my brother was in Iraq, leaving her daughter alone, with her brothers family. What a piece of work. I told my brother "get a great lawyer now!"

So now she wants an arbitrator to mediate for a divorce. I have re-emphasized to him, that if he was in danger in Iraq, this is a new kind of danger. She's been planning this for years with her trashy little slut friends,who always incourage her to sleep around and bar hop, and she is moving fast while his head is in a confused state.

It just makes me sick, that he isn't more self protective. He seems to think this will work out ok and fair! He wants to be cool for his daughters sake, and not go to war with his wife, which he see's as only harmfull to his daughter. I keep telling him, this divorce is at a point where civility is no longer in the equation, where one person is out to screw the other. It would be quite different, if they were mutually parting their ways, but she is on mairrage #3 and looking out only for herself, and obviously doesn't care what her actions are doing to their daughter.
Thanks for letting me vent, all I can do is listen and suggest at this point, and help pick up the pieces after it's over!

Yup, just more of that collateral damage from a war.... He's lucky, my first sent me the papers when I was still in Vietnam!!!! Time I got home it took me another 5 years to even find my kid!!!! She and her new hubby (a high roller type in retail stores) were in Arizona. Best wishes to your brother, hopefully he'll get mad enough to turn the divorce and the rest of her life into a living hell....

I keep saying there is no balance in life, what is wrong with people today?????

I’m happy for your brother that he made it home safe, to him that is probably most important to be able to see his daughter. Give him time to adjust and he will lower the boom on her!!!!

Richard

That is a horrible situation Steve, but unfortunately, one that is becoming all too common anymore. The days when Mom was like apple pie and the glue that held the family together are pretty much gone. I am not putting it all on the Wives, because men cheat also, but a lot of guys are finding themselves in a situation where they thought they were doing all the right stuff, and yet come to find out their Spouse is playing around on them. I know that scenario from personal experience. Not sure what happened to loyalty in this world, but the 60 percent divorce rate are a testament to something being very wrong any more.

As for your Brother not reacting as you think he should, that is a tough nut. Everyone around him can see what is happening and what is going to happen, but he is somewhat in denial. Maybe he is sort of a pushover or maybe he feels he just wants to salvage this thing. Love is a funny, weird emotion. However, you are probably right on her motives and goals, and it must be very frustrating for you.........you probably want to shake him REAL HARD. When I was going through it, my best friend told me "If you ever consider going back to her I will personally beat the hell out of you!" I knew he was saying that because he truly cared about me and what was going on.

But sometimes we have to let people make their own beds, as much as we want to keep them from being hurt. I used to work with a girl who was in a physically abusive relationship, and we all liked her. Our Manager and I sat her down one day when she came into work with some bruises she got "when she tripped and fell" . We told her, "you don't have to live like this" and her reaction was "well, I do things to make him mad!! We both looked at each other like she was from another planet.

All you can do Steve is be there and support him and try to offer advice. It's a slippery slope though because sometimes they blame you for trying to interfere in their relationship. We know you love your Brother, it is obvious, but at least he made it home alive from Iraq, so that is the really important thing here. Houses and cars he might lose in a divorce will come and go, lot's of us have been down that road. I wish him well.

Don

Man o man does that ever sound familiar. While I didn't do the Iraq thing, my job still involved a lot (70-90%) travel. I wont bore anyone with details but....it wasn't nice. I got over it, see my kids regularly - they're adults now and have been remarried for 13 years to a wonderful woman. The last time I spoke to my ex was in Oct 1994 at my daughters wedding where I again suggested she do something unnatural to herself

Your brother has to sit down with his daughter and explain to her what has happened and what will happen. She will get over it with care and love. She might also have to see a counselor, but that is real life. He has to bring it to a head, sling whatever mud has to be slung, then move on with life as soon as possible for his personal well being as well as his daughters. Depending on what state he lives in will determine his max "sentence". And it will be expensive. He has to get the separation agreement worked out ASAP - so she can't change her mind and ask for more. This casts it in iron and is a contract and it is enforced by the laws of the state. I had to fire two crummy money grubbing lawyers before I found fantastic lawyer - the one you all wish for: great looking female and Hispanic and with a snarling tiger demeanor. I have recommended her to a couple of friends - and they too both got out with their sanity and most of their earnings/savings.

Wish him well. Tell him he isn't alone with this problem. Give him a shoulder to lean on as often as he needs to.

you must somehow, someway stress how important it is to get a good lawyer soon. she sounds like the type that would use his wonderful daughter to get anything she wants. regardless of what it does to the child. I know that he said that he does not want a war but a war he has got. he must protect the child from her. she really makes me ashamed to be a woman. some women are mothers and some are just breeders. With no more heart than a common alley cat. What she is doing to him makes me furious.

Good advice Don. I'm just venting, and I appreciate all of you guys and your support. George Carlin is strong on my mind today too. I guess he cuts into stuff like this and sees it for what it really is!

FWIW
I just found out my brother was awarded Bronze Star Medal for service in Iraq. Life has a funny way of rewarding and punishing us!
Jyardgirl
You are a great mom. I love that you and your son do mom/son projects with cars! I also had a great mom, and a shitty dad, who was never there, as he has been the male version of the alley cat, spreading his seed where ever he could. Mom died early of cancr, proving only the good die young, while my dad just got his 6th divorce from yet another good human being, who unfortunately hooked up with the likes of him. Life is very interesting, but we persevere and move on, hopefully stronger for our past experiences. Thank you. Steve.
Dave I also am like you thinking of ways to get even, but have to restrain myself from stirring up the pot. Though thinking about nasty little get even schemes does put a smile on my face!

Originally Posted by jyardgirl

you must somehow, someway stress how important it is to get a good lawyer soon. she sounds like the type that would use his wonderful daughter to get anything she wants. regardless of what it does to the child. I know that he said that he does not want a war but a war he has got. he must protect the child from her. she really makes me ashamed to be a woman. some women are mothers and some are just breeders. With no more heart than a common alley cat. What she is doing to him makes me furious.

You're right Barb... Getting a good lawyer is much better advice then some of the things I had come to mind.......

it was the only thing from alot things racing through my mind that was legal.

congrats on your brothers award. from the letters to home that you share it is well deserved. i have a similar situation that you have. calling my dad a alley cat is a insult to the cat. he is still around kicking but my mom passed a few years ago. but all in all it really does make you stronger and determined to do the opposite with my kids. thank god i have a wonderfull husband and father to my kids. He lets me do any project that i can dream up to with with them.

Almost anyone who has been through a divorce can tell you it ranks right up there on the stress-scale with death of a loved one and loss of a job.........maybe moreso, because it seems so senseless sometimes. It can turn you into a different person than you ever thought you could be, and make you have thoughts you never would have expected. We all think of ourselves as being rational, sensible human beings, but divorce can screw your mind up bigtime.

Your Brother is facing this on a lot of levels right now. He is returning from an environment where he had to try to just stay alive every day, and then he came home to what he expected to be the exact opposite of that, only to find out that part of his life is upside down too. You can only be there when he wants to talk and be a patient listener, offering what good suggestions you feel are appropriate. That is all that good Brothers like you can do in these situations.

Don

Steve, check out this video see if it helps put things in a different light just for a moment.

http://au.youtube.com/watch?v=2dQGis...eature=related

Richard

Well, she's history, he needs to think about what's best for the daughter.
I went through a divorce with a young daughter and we sat down and agreed that we both loved her and she loved both of us so minimize any negative impact as much as possible. Neither ever bad mouths the other. I respect her as the only mother my daughter will ever have, even if she is a dipwad most of the time.
I suggest he do the same. There is NOTHING that woman does that releases him from doing what's right.

hate to say it , but it sounds like your brother has been her door mat for some time , hopefully this will all work out ... he needs to find himself a really blood thirsty lawyer ..

hopefully someday very soon she (the skank ho) will find out..
"what goes around , comes around and god dont sleep"