Thread: Spanking vs Tough love

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Unfortunately my wife and I never had kids but we did have nieces and nephews that we would care for on occasion. We would care for them over a weekend or sometimes longer to give their folks a break and give us a chance to sooth our "parental urging"----Thank GOD for Sunday evenings!

My youngest brother and his wife were firm believers in "tough Love"--the "spare the rod, spoil the child approach"-- My wife and I believe in the opposite approach.
One weekend we agreed to care for their 2 boys, then about 3 and 5 years old , so my brother and his wife could celebrate their 10th anniversary. We had a heavy snowfall on Fri. night and the kids wanted to go outside to play Sat. morning. We dressed them in their their snowsuits and I went out with them. Well the oldest, Justin( a spoiled lil' hellion)began throwing snow on Ryan---time after time I kept telling Justin to stop---time after time he'd do it again and by this time Ryan was in tears--I walked over to Justin and firmly told him "NO", he just laughed at me and threw snow on Ryan again. I grabbed a hold of his arm and and cupping my hand swatted him on the butt(cold snowsuits make a heck of a noise) and took him inside in tears, told my wife to put him in the bedroom in a chair and if he moved to paddle his butt, he could come out when we told him he could. Ryan and I played in the snow for awhile longer then went inside. I asked my wife to make us some hot chocolate, Justin of course heard that and came out--my wife turned to him gave him a warning to get back in his chair in bedroom--he screamed at her and she smacked his butt twice and she told him if ever did that again she'd wash his mouth out with soap then marched him right back to his chair. Justin spent most of that weekend in the chair. But it must have made a lasting impression upon him 'cuz after that weekend we never again had problems with either one of them when ever they were here either for a weekend or if they came up for Holidays---my brother said "the kids are always so well behaved when we come to your house???"---

Justin is now 25, happily married and expecting their first child come Feb. A couple years ago he and his wife visited us in Wa. He made some smartass comment(he's always been a smartass) and my wife said "once more like that and I'm gonna smack your butt, wash your mouth out with soap and send you to your chair", Justin looked at her and me and said "you know I think you'd do it". Then he said that was why he always respected us because he and Ryan both new their limits when at our home.

Everything in balance. If you study nature you will see all mammals reprimand their young to keep them safe. A few don't get it and ultimately end up paying the consequences. Tough love is O.K. in my book. Brutality and terror is not. Again it is all about balance. Don't reach for the howitzer when a bb gun will do!G.R. I had a similar thing with my brothers kids. They are always well behaved around me, because they know what the limits are, and are ok with that!

All it took with my kids was 1 good swat with the belt and the threat of more. Just like some one said earlier.

When they are jumping around holding their backsides from the stinging that they just got and know that there can be more severe thrashings forthcoming if necessary was all it took to get them in line.

My kids all respect me and my wife and are actually really good kids.



Hmmm.... I wonder if it will work on my wife?

I always like the old saying "parents don't give your kids harsh laxitives, just beat the shit out of them!" Goes hand and hand with corporal punishment.

My thoughts on young'uns,

I am not a fan of kids, so I don't have any. Too many people have kids seemingly just for social status, you know, like a conversation piece. These are the ones who tell Skyler, I'm going to count to five!!!! then do nothing when he keeps acting out! When I was little I was told once, next offense I got a belt, hand, or switch. Nothing like having to go cut the switch that Momma's gonna whip you with!

Too many people want to be their kids best friend, I've always felt that a parent's job is not to be the friend,but to teach their children how to deal with life, and how to be a good person. You won't always be there to hold their hand, they will have to deal with problems on their own someday, it's your job to prepare them for it!

I am Adam, and I approve this message!

Originally Posted by Sinister

My thoughts on young'uns,

Too many people want to be their kids best friend, I've always felt that a parent's job is not to be the friend,but to teach their children how to deal with life, and how to be a good person. You won't always be there to hold their hand, they will have to deal with problems on their own someday, it's your job to prepare them for it!

I am Adam, and I approve this message!

Well said!
A parent's job is to prepare their child to act responsibly to whatever life throws at him/her.
For the good of all people there are certain "rules" that have been put in place (e.g. drive on the correct side of the road, attend school, don't steal,) and for the good of all people (and the individual) these rules must be adhered to or society will punish you.
Now, if you flaunt the rules, sooner or later "Authority" will come down on you, be it a parent, a teacher, a referee or a judge.
The sooner/younger these boundaries are learnt the easier it is to become self disciplined and avoid the punishment that will inevitably follow misbehaviour.
Isn't it better to be chastised by a parent at age four with a smack than a Judge at age twenty with a prison sentence?