Thread: Slice and Dice

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So, last night I'm emptying the dish washer and pick up the silverware tray and
start removing the spoons.....forks....knives....and I'm down to the butcher knife and remove that,
and.......it slips........does a one and a half gainer in the air and, "thunk"....."wang wang wang".
It sticks, perfectly, in the top of my foot. Right in the bone!!!!
Ow...........Ow..........Oh, shit, OW!!!! I'm just standing there with the point of this fuggin butcher knife
sticking out of my foot!!!
After I get over my surprise, I reach down with my right hand and pull it out.........NOT!
OW.........OW!!!!!
Now I'm getting a little panicky. I reach down with both hands and put my right foot over my left foot's
toes and pull, thuck!!!! The knife comes out along with lot's of blood......duh!!!
Well, I put a compress on it and pull it tight and call the Wifie. She says, "you twit"!!!
Call 911.
By this time, it's stopped bleeding, so I don't.

Well, the story doesn't end here......

This morning, I"m out in the shop and I'm drilling a hole in a bracket and I drop the drill.
"Thunk" the bit punctures the top of my right foot.......OW.....OW.........
This time I don't call Wifie.
I can't walk very good now and I guess the car show tomorrow is out of the question.
I keep thinking of that Forest Gump movie where they keep saying, "stupid is as stupid does".
Or, Perhaps it's just Old timers disease.

I guess I'm going down stairs and finish off that bottle of Merlot....

OUCH! with the way your luck is going i would not hold the wine bottle between your legs and use a corkscrew. might puncture something else

too funny

Ouch,dogtag...Im sitting here with BOTH my feet twitching and squirming...I think I can feel it too..then I read Barbs post and nearly laughed..yeah,good idea,but get wifie to open the merlot,,the way your lucks runnin,,,well,say no more ...

What the he77 can a feller say? Oh, sorry you got hurt? Sh^&! Makes my squeezer squeeze way up. Get better, sooner, and be more careful in the future.

I was thinking of the vast number of things I have been stabbed with, or parts of my body impaled on; the funniest was when I was in high school auto machine shop - I poked a screwdriver blade through my hand; the teacher fainted, the lady in the office fainted, but the vice principal kept it together enough to take me to the hospital (such as it was), where my Mom worked. When we walked in, she looked at me and said: "What have you done, this time?"

Dude, I feel your pain but your account of the event was absolutely hysterical!!!

Heal soon and let the wifey put the knives away for a while...

That Olds in the pic is awesome!!

Now let's see, Saturday with my hands full, I ran into the screen door latch - blood dripping off my thumb. Last summer, turned around after digging something out of the storage compartment of my 5th wheel camper - whanged my head on the hitch pin - knocked myself sillier then usual, then the gore and blood, EMTs, trip to the hospital, beautiful nurse and lady doctor fixed me right up. Hack sawing a piece of square tubing, blade broke, hammered my wrist into the vise - sticky stuff leaking, trip to the hospital for a patch job. And the beat goes on......and on....and on. The funny part - my wife gets more excited then I normally will when the plasma leaks out.

Moral of the story - when you play with sharp and/or pointed objects - you have to expect an occasional blowout preventer (your skin) failure.

But with that said, hopefully it didn't spoil your plans to go dancing