Thread: Target and me

Tweet

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Target.

Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse.

Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Target:

Dear Mrs. Harris ,

Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Harris , are listed below and are "documented by our video surveillance cameras":

1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money.

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.

6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers they could come in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.

8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called.

9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11. October 3: Darted around the Store suspiciously while loudly humming the 'Mission Impossible' theme.

12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.

13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

14. October 22: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed the fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'

15. Took a box of condoms to the checkout clerk and asked, 'Where is the fitting room?'

And last, but not least:

16. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, and then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.'

One of the clerks passed out.

Huh?

Keith

406Rich - awsome! Now I know what to do next time that happens with my wife!

We could start a chain of events in these places,,all around the country,,hey,,,the world,for that matter.. Sounds like hotrodders work doesnt it...406rich,,you could be an honorary member of NSRA NZ with those wacky moves,,,we are known for it...

Boredom does bring out some strange reactions in people, doesn't it??? Back in the days that I did (reluctantly) go in those places accompanying a significant other I wish I would have thought of some of those things!!!! My main thing was trying out the skateboards...

Now that was great. Rich I am going to copy your post and put it on our site at talk.cobraregistry.com for the guys to have a laugh at. If you object to this please let me know and I will remove it. I really enjoyed it and you have given me some great ideas.

Ron

I was wondering when my wife got that letter from one of our local stores, why she broke out in hysterical tears then told me I could no longer go 'shopping' any longer with her. HEHEHEHEHE

A deceased friend of mine used to go into a large chain store to look at toys for his grandkids,,with his wife..If there were too many young children around,Dave,(yes thats his name) would hunch up,and go pigeon toed,and say loudly to his wife(who would be holding his hand by now)MARILYN...I WANNA SEE THE DOLLIES....(dribbling as he said it LOUDLY)To which Marilyn would say,''No David,,you know what happened last time,,you arent going near them today..''He would then stack on a small but significant act,,and it would only take a few minutes,and the toy section would be quite empty,,so Dave and Marilyn could do ther shopping and leave...He was a master at putting on an act in public,,and you never quite knew when it was going to happen..(unfortunately)

Originally Posted by Ron75

Now that was great. Rich I am going to copy your post and put it on our site at talk.cobraregistry.com for the guys to have a laugh at. If you object to this please let me know and I will remove it. I really enjoyed it and you have given me some great ideas.

Ron

Ron please do use this.... guys this was sent to me by a friend, I`ve done alot of things to embarrass my wife in the past but still get dragged into the dept store but I keep trying, and she is still telling me not to embarrass her, one time I did try on ladies high heals when she was shopping for shoes, I walked around strutting my stuff, we immediately went home....then one night in the mall dropped to my knees and grabbed her leggs screaming don`t beat me mommy.....another night I slept on the couch....what the heck it don`t bother me, now I`ve new things to try, just thought I`d share with you guys...

I get in all sorts of trouble with my wife. I put stuff in other peoples shopping carts. And I have a shirt that says " This shirt is only blue when i'm thinking about dwarf's " And every time I wear it we see one.

Originally Posted by manky

I get in all sorts of trouble with my wife. I put stuff in other peoples shopping carts. And I have a shirt that says " This shirt is only blue when i'm thinking about dwarf's " And every time I wear it we see one.

He wouldnt be Happy,then,would he??more likely to be Grumpy....