Thread: Father Son Project..........NOT.....

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My son goes back and forth. One day he says he wants to do a project and the next he has no interest. I want to encourage him, but on the other hand he needs to mature more before he gets behind the wheel of a muscle car or hot rod. He's 19 and has his share of close calls already. He even admitted it might not be a good idea, but maybe it would be better if it took a couple of years to finish.

This is a very interesting thread to me and I want to ask a similar but related question... but it will be at the end...

My son Jeff, did take up the passion and loves working on cars. He is now 26, married and living about 30 miles away. When he graduated high school, he wanted to get into autobody work so I sent him to Dunwoody (a private technical college - pretty expensive tuition) for automotive paint and body restoration. I bought him tools and paid for his education. I only had him pay for his books. After a while in the autobody industry he wanted to get into the mechanical end of things. He worked for a friend for a while learning the trade. We would continue to help out and buy him tools off of his wish list. He now works for a Chrysler dealership, getting certified as one of their mechanics. To say that I'm proud of him is an understatement.

Now to my question: There are times when we encounter something on my or my wifes daily driver that is beyond my talents. I'll ask my son for help. My son does engine and mechanical work on the side and charges for his services. After doing some work on replacing a head gasket on my wifes car he asked for payment. Now I know that I kept him from other "things", but I felt like - "haven't I done enough for you?" I don't ask for help all of the time but I may need some of his expertise once in a while. Heck, he uses my heated garage once in a while to work on other peoples cars (leaving me to clean up my tools, shop, etc... after he leaves).

I want some others perspectives on this: Should I just let it go or say something? Should I charge him a shop time when he charges others to fix their cars. It bugs me that I got asked for money to have him help me fix my wifes car... so chime in here and let me know your thoughts..

Jerome

to me its way wrong for a son to charge for helpin his parents.i would not pay a dime.you have done your share of payin all his life. id be mighty upset if i were you.it just aint rite. my dad is gone now.we were close his whole life.worked together too.id give anything to be able to help him again on anything in any way..r.i.p.dad.i miss you old man.

Turn about's fair play, I'd charge him shop time if he's going to charge you for the work and he would clean the tools and the garage before he left or I'd charge him for that also. I have never charged family or friends for any work I've done on their vehicles, other than parts, just doesn't sit right with me.

Originally Posted by MRJB1929

This is a very interesting thread to me and I want to ask a similar but related question... but it will be at the end...

My son Jeff, did take up the passion and loves working on cars. He is now 26, married and living about 30 miles away. When he graduated high school, he wanted to get into autobody work so I sent him to Dunwoody (a private technical college - pretty expensive tuition) for automotive paint and body restoration. I bought him tools and paid for his education. I only had him pay for his books. After a while in the autobody industry he wanted to get into the mechanical end of things. He worked for a friend for a while learning the trade. We would continue to help out and buy him tools off of his wish list. He now works for a Chrysler dealership, getting certified as one of their mechanics. To say that I'm proud of him is an understatement.

Now to my question: There are times when we encounter something on my or my wifes daily driver that is beyond my talents. I'll ask my son for help. My son does engine and mechanical work on the side and charges for his services. After doing some work on replacing a head gasket on my wifes car he asked for payment. Now I know that I kept him from other "things", but I felt like - "haven't I done enough for you?" I don't ask for help all of the time but I may need some of his expertise once in a while. Heck, he uses my heated garage once in a while to work on other peoples cars (leaving me to clean up my tools, shop, etc... after he leaves).

I want some others perspectives on this: Should I just let it go or say something? Should I charge him a shop time when he charges others to fix their cars. It bugs me that I got asked for money to have him help me fix my wifes car... so chime in here and let me know your thoughts..

Jerome

Judge Judy would smack him around. I'm 27 and can't imagine charging my parents for anything. Tell him he just knocked off $xxx from what he owes you for tools and he can find his own heated garage too. It sounds like you have been generous thus far and if you felt some money for his time away from paying jobs would be fair that is one thing, but you clearly feel he is taking advantage of you and your wife.

Jerome - don't even be subtle with him. You need to explain the facts of life and what he got from you while growing up to where he is today. Sometimes kids lose 'perspective' on what mom and dad did for them. While he may get upset for a while, he will probably think about what he did and have an "awakening". If not - well then limit or deny him use of the garage. If he is asking you to pay for parts, then do it - but labor, remind him how many times you took him to sports or other activities and you waited. And waited - I know I did. Tough love - not really, but sometimes they need a life's reminder.

Good points. Oh and I have NO PROBLEM paying for the parts, that was never in question. IT was that he asked for money to do the labor - and not just a couple of bucks either - it was pretty significant.

Don't get me wrong, I like doing things for Jeff and "Helping him out." I know that their finacial situation isn't as good as mine, but the fact that he asked for the money for labor, it just GOT me. I paid it because I didn't want to have this come between us. My wife is pretty unhappy about it too but also didn't want to say anything.

I don't have a problem when my son charges for my daughters for their repairs. They never helped pay for his education or raise him from a pup. But they REALLY want me to work on it first, because I'm free and he charges them.

I consider this last one as water under the bridge, but I'm preparing myself for the next time he asks for a "Labor Charge."
Thanks...

Wow, I think he and I would be having a very serious discussion about his attitude. Familly is family, you don't charge your immediate family for anything. I think your Son has a serious lack of gratitude for not only the schooling you paid for, but the roof you put over his head and the food you put in his stomach for all those years. I don't mean to come down on him, but he needs a reality check and a lesson in priorities. I would think he would be jumping at the opportunity to give something back to you guys instead of trying to make a buck off of you.

Kick his little ungrateful butt around a little, sounds like you should have done that more when he was growing up. I would also reconsider how you spend your money now because you sure aren't going to be able to depend on his help when you are old and unable to care for yourselves.

Don

MRJB1929,
I agree 100% with what's been said here. For your kid to even think about charging you for his labor shows that his perspective is all wrong. Like Don says, he may have had it a bit too easy in the past but that's no reason for his actions. Like you say, it may be too late for the last time, especially if you paid him (I hope not!!), but you should be ready for the next time, and even set him up by asking for his help again. When he suggests paying for his labor give him a rundown of what you feel he owes you for use of the garage space, tools, cleanup, disposal of wastes and trash, etc, etc so that he owes you, and make it clear that if he wants to charge family for his time and talents there needs to be consideration of a re-payment plan for things he's received over the years that gave him the talents he has now. If he's got a lick of sense he'll quickly see that he needs to be thankful for the good parents he had vs some of the low lifes out there.

Thats a touchy thing. I have repaired things for relatives, and wouldn't take money. I don't want a relative as a customer..........nightmare......... But I don't think it's right for him to charge you, unless you knew before. I ask for help from my son when I need it and he helps. But, I want him to replace the ductwork in the house, and I can't help, so I'll give him somthing even though he said he would do it for free. If you have already paid him, just let that one time go. If you need him to fix somthing else, ask what's it gonna cost you. Then that might be the right time for that discussion. I have known guys that when they do what they do for a living they expect to be compensated. I personally would never ask my dad for money. If I couldn't afford the part I would tell him to get the part and I'd fix it for him. I owe my dad alot and couldn't stand myself if I treated him like a paying customer. And as far as the garage goes, If it wasn't like I left it, it would be the last time he used it.......................... Period.

Wow, agree with everyone on all points. This is crazy coming from a sons perspective. If you would have charged him a fee for every time you wiped his butt when he was a kid he would owe you for the rest of his life. Set him straight and let him try find a heated garage for free somewhere else. Sorry so harsh I am just appalled that you have been a good set of parents to him and he tries to charge you for a repair. Parts yes, labor no way.